Good Bye?

This might be goodbye. I don't feel it anymore. It's as if I have nothing more to say. I find less and less reasons to get out of bead. And no, it's not depression, but I am afraid that if I get sucked into cyberspace once more, it might just become that.

I borrowed the photo from my cousins blog, cause it looks kind of like how I feel at the moment!

I tried to go away once, and it didn't work - just couldn't stay away. Having the need to tell everybody that I am going away, probably will spell out failure again, but what can I do? I'm just being me.

If I don't come back, bare in mind that I had a great time with you, my lovely friends, sharing thoughts and photos and such. If I manage to stay away, I will miss you. Hugs!

The Loner

I've often been told the saying - a picture is worth a 1000 words, but seeing as I am someone that loves to talk, I never believed it. But today, I can tell you that nothing has ever been closer to the truth.

This is a picture taken at the damn-bridge in Struga, this winter. I call it "The Loner". I feel kind of alone. Like the whole day is... empty.

It's Friday

Yeah, it's Friday. Whoopee! I'd still hate it, no matter what anyone says, it is the start of the weekend and I can't stand those two days. Don't get me wrong, I hate Saturday and Sunday more, but today, it is kind of worse, because it's taunting me, telling me that the weekend is going to run me over and there is nothing I can do about it!

I watched a movie last night. "Set it Off" it's called. It's about a girl stuck in life, with no way out, but the one way she's been trying to avoid forever - the way of crime. After her brother is shot by the cops, by mistake, she decides to go ahead with it anyway. By the end of the story, all her friends are dead, and she is unable to see the man she fell in love with, ever again. When I was little, I would have thought - at least she's free now. Alone, but free. - Not anymore, though. Freedom is not accomplished by running away from things. Instead, it's found by realizing what is most important to you. Someone once told me that people are lonely because they build fences instead of bridges. It's so right. So right!

P.S. A big plus for this movie is that the lead investigator is played by Dr. Cox. He was so funny! :D

It's a Beautiful Morning

It is a beautiful morning, and after a while, I can feel it. It is time for some positive energy to flow around and give smiles to people. That's what I was thinking about when I woke up a little less then an hour ago. There aren't enough smiles in the world.

And don't get me wrong, my attitude towards life and the world hasn't changed, but I decided to look at things from a different perspective today. At least today. I mean, when is the last time that a couple of smiles hurt anybody?

Hugs! :)

Calm Waters

I remember some verses from Tupac Shakur that said:

"Ain't nothing meant to lest forever,
so the struggling and the suffering ain't gonna lest forever"

But when are the calm waters coming? When will I be able to sit down, relax and say - finally, it's all over?

In the meantime, I wrote another poem. Don't ask me why...

Seriously, does anyone else ever had the feeling that they are stuck between the point where everything will be OK, and the point of total collapse and they will never get out of it? Because I have that feeling for a while now. And can't seem to shake it. I can't...

I say good morning to you all, and I hope that you have a way better day than me.

Hugs!

A Contraption

The snow melted. Finally! It made my day. But in the meanwhile I was looking at some pictures of Struga, taken this winter, when there was no snow, but was cold as hell!

I remembered this strange contraption in the front yard of the hospital. I was wondering then, and I am still wondering what the hell is it used for?

Also, I tried to write. Some bad poetry, of course. Here is my first poem "If There Was a Day"

The First Day of Spring

I was kind of hasty yesterday. I was told that today is the first day of spring. Even better. Spring broke out, and here is a photo from the front yard of my cousin's house, taken this morning. It is, what you would call - a typical first day of spring. There's got to be at least 6 inches of snow. God damn it! I did not sign up for this. I was waiting for spring because it's warm and colorful, not to have snow, after surviving the winter with barely any white trash. :/

And on top of it all, it's still the weekend. I won't tell you why I hate it, but I can tell you there is something to do with love, so... Only positive thing I can think of is the fact that the temperature is high enough to melt the stupid snow, and it's doing that. The only problem remains that it won't stop falling!

One can only hope...

Another Stupid Weekend

I have to be the complete opposite of everyone else on the planet. Why? Because I have to be the only one that hates the weekends. There are a lot of reason for this, but let's not get into stupid details at this moment. I also hate the snow that is faling on our town on the first day of spring. I know, I know, I'm a little wierd. But, on the other hand, isn't everybody?

And whatever I wanted to say, it just kind of sliped my mind... Maybe I'll be back, but then, maybe not....

Life, oh Life...

There was a Des Ree song by this title if I remember it correctly. It was voted to be one of the most optimistic songs of all time, alongside "Don't worry, be happy" and "I can see clearly now". I found my self visteling that Des Ree song, and I can't find the reason why? I am not that much of an optimistic person, and yet, I feel good these past few days. It feels like everything is going to fall to it's place, very soon...

To tell you the truth, I wish I was up on that mountain again, with the ability to feel the freedom between the clouds. I would only wish to have one person close to me, so I can hold that hand that means so much to me. This time from the start to the very end of the climb...

Visit Macedonia

My country is actually small. It's about 25.000 square km in total. But it is beautiful. A lot of nice places to visit. Mountains, lakes, old monuments...

So, if you are wondering about an exotic destination for your holiday, don't hesitate anymore. Visit Macedonia. It'll give you some wonderful memories and I think a new perspective on life! :)

Thanks For the Support!

I posted a poll about a week ago, asking if I should continue blogging, cause I wasn't sure, to tell you the truth. The poll is now closed. Thanks to all of you who voted, thanks to those who didn't as well. And most of all, thanks for the confidence. It means a lot to me that you all think I should go on writing my thoughts. It really does! Hugs! :)

It is a beautiful Saturday morning and I can't think of one thing to complain about. Maybe the absence of things to complain about is a thing to complain about! :P Just kidding. I think it's gonna be a nice day today. Make sure you enjoy every second of it!

Rocky terrain

Yep, everybody stumbles upon a few (or more) rocks on his path through life. Problems come and go and what's even more important, they will never stop, for anybody, they're just a natural part of life! Come to think of it, they are bigger than life! No matter if you have troubles with your job, your love life, or anything else you can think of... Moaning about them wont change a thing. Contemplations are OK sometimes, but if you start living inside them, you might get lost. When you know things aren't like they should be, it's time for a change!

The first thing to do (and the first thing I did) is evaluating the priorities. Once you know what's most important to you, then you'll know where are you going. The road ahead is quite clear! What I want to say is, when you get to a bunch of rocks you can't overstep, instead of turning around and going back (or worse - stopping and doing nothing!), why not build a quarry? :)

All the Things we can't change

First of all, I want to tell you that I have created my second blog. It'll be about the TV shows that I watch. I am gonna write stuff that I think are important about those shows, and I hope you'll enjoy it! :) Here is the link!

What I actually wanted to write about was all the things in life that we have no control over. Like, people that we love dying, accidents, crime, all the bad things you can think of. And we still get stressed over them. You just can't be indifferent of things that hurt you. But, as I said, you cannot change them. Not even a little bit...

On the other hand, there are the things we can change. As one saying says - the only way to change the worlds is trough one random act of kindness at the time. We can be kind to people, imagine, even to those that are strangers to us. Because, once that you give your hand to someone, he's no longer a stranger, he becomes your friend...

But most important of all are the people we love. Never forget about their love. Never take love granted. It might disappear one day, and never come back again. And when you finally find love, hold on to it! If you know that it is the real thing, if your heart tells you that he or she is the one for you and it never felt more right in your life, don't let them go! You will regret it the very next day. Or who's to tell you that today ain't our last day?

Good night cruel world :)

Someone once told me that the night is darkest just before the dawn. Couldn't believe it then, can't believe it now. I mean, OK, I know about the real night, I just don't buy the metaphor! Sure, it's motivating and all, but, one has to ask one's self - when is the god damn dawn coming, if anytime!

Nah, this is not a pissed off post. Hell no! :) It's just that I've always been mad at those people that talk about stuff they have never experienced. They talk about sorow when they've never been sad, they speak of love, and have never seen love...

All I want to say is - good night cruel world. I know you'll be much more cruel tomorrow. Cheers! :)

Some Kind of a New Start

I kind of got fed up with everything in this past week, and so, I even stopped blogging. Maybe it was hard to find the point in it all. But, never mind that, what is important, I am back and I am going to be blogging my ass off, sort of speak.

The week end of traveling is over, and now, back to work, back to the same old problems. I had some trouble with my PC, so I want to buy a new one. But, here comes the dillema: Should one buy a laptop or a desktop? My budget is around $400, and for that price, there are some respectible configurations in the case of desktops, and some pretty fine laptop models. Want to share your opinion? Any advice would be welcomed.

Hugs! :)

Is It Worth It?

Is it all worth it? I'm talking about all the things we do. This post is going to be quite the rambling one, a kind of rant, something that is on my mind, but I can't quite classify it. It is something undetermined, and if you are not up to it, you don't have to read it. But, on the other hand, you never have to read ;) it's a free world (or so I've been told).

So, is it worth it? All the work we do? Going to work, coming home, making money, spending money, blogging, ad sense affiliate, etc. I can't even see the end of it all. And for what? I understand that it is a cliche and all, but, are we just slaves to our own faults, to money? What happened to love? Is it still here? Or did we sell it when we sold our souls for what ever reason? Damn it!

I kind of lost my thought here. My head is a mess, and I don't even know why am I writing at all. I had a dream last night. I was there, by the lake, in the most beautiful town on Earth. All the people I've ever loved were there, except for one person that I love the most and whom without I don't think I can live. Honestly! And everyone spoke to me, it was like the world revolved around my littleness, and the assumption was that I am happy. But I wasn't. I wanted everything to end as quickly as possible. There was something missing and I knew what it was. I just didn't want anyone else to know about it. I was so relieved when I woke up.

Actually, I'm not sure what I wanted to say...

Sadness

I am sad. Tonight I was suppose to be in the arms that I love the most in the whole world, the only pair that makes me feel I can touch the sky, swim across all the oceans, run across all the lands, feel safe at all times. Tonight I was suppose to be with my love, but I am not. As sometimes happens, I ended up alone for the night, and being the person that I am, I feel empty inside. I always get atached to people to quickly, and when they are unable to be with me, I get sad. I know, this is not smart. But it's just the way I am...

To kill the sadness, I turned to Pink Floyd. I am listening to "Hey You" and "Wish You Were Here". I know, not a very smart choice for killing sorrow. They are reminders of the things I miss, and further more, they are telling me to fight for the love. But, I can't fight my self. Maybe that's why I'm sad tonight...

A Moral Dilemma

The unlucky few that follow my blog :P probably had noticed that I was absent for a while from this here virtual and wonderful world of blogging. I have a good reason for that. It's not that I don't like blogging anymore or that I have grown tired (god forbid, I love it more and more every day! :D). It is in fact cause I wanted to help a friend in need. I know, the world is slowly becoming a place where there is less and less people that you can call friends, and therefor, you need to cherish the ones that you have made in your life.

My friend fell in love with a girl that is already in a relationship. It wouldn't be new for him, except this time, she fell in love with him as well. From the start it was clear that they wouldn't end up together, and it was fine, with both of them. Now, he says that he misses her more and more and it seems like the occasional meets that they have are not enough. He needs her more and more. And now, he doesn't know what to do, because he feels so helpless. I guess there is actualy no moral dilemma here, but I started with that tittle because it seemed apropriate when 2 people are sneaking around! :D

What I told him was that if they both decided to enjoy something, then they should do it while being free, like those eagles we saw back in September (click the photo to enlarge), because you can truly own the world only if you are prepared to lose it without any regrets... Should I have told him something else?

Behind the Trees

Have you ever had the feeling, the one that tells you that you just wanna get away from everything? Hide from everybody? I think I did. Last year it was. On that one hike I'll never forget. I felt I could just hide behind the trees and wait for everyone to leave. Then, I'd be free at last! I won't have anyone to answer to, nobody to obey... alone and free.

I stood behind the trees, just for a while. But then, I remembered all the things I was leaving behind and just went on, on the trail. And it's a good thing too. A lot of good things happened since, that are directly connected to those events. I'm guessing what I'm trying to say is - don't try to get away. You can never get away from your self...

A Philosophical Question

To blog or not to blog? That seems to be the new philosophical question. Almost everybody I know, either has a blog or is reading a few of them on regular basis! All of my friends have blogs, although some of them are not telling nothing about them (they are using aliases because they are afraid or ashamed of the things they say). That is actually how I came to join you all in this blog-universe! Nowadays not having your own blog is like not having a phone number 10 years ago... or something. I don't know, I've never been good with similes. :P

By the way, I love this swing on the photo. I never have enough time to sit on it, cause whenever I am there, I'm being asked to stay off it, there is more important things to do, bla-bla-bla. But I still love it though. :)

Can't stay away

I had no PC access for a while, and it was frustrating beyond imagination! I did not realize that bloging could be this addictive. I just love it! :D If anybody wonders, yes, I had a great time while I was away, but I am going to tell you all about it in some of my next posts. For now, I want to keep it short and simple. :)

This is a photo I borowed from my cousin (thanks dude! :D). And it is not here without a purpose. I've came to realize in the last week that the posts with a few words and a beautiful picture in them, the short and simple ones, always made me feel the best. And because I love this photo, I am going to share it with the world and just thank all the good people that came here, wishing to be friends with me. Hugs! :)

Oh, the joy of the weekend!

This is the front yard at my cousin's home. I just visited his blog, and I saw that he had posted some cute pictures of him when he was a baby, so I remembered the time I was at his place, and when I took this. It was early fall, so it was warm, it was hot actually. Oh, how I long for that time. I hate the cold. :(

The weekend came. No more work until Monday. Oh, good. I can now blog throughout the whole day. I don't know if it's just me, but bloging thing is contageous. I can't stop since I started. I visit blogs, I share thoughts with people, I write comments, I post stuff, and on top of that, I have milions of things I want to say next. Please tell me it is the same with everyone, that I am not a freak!

Until next time, hugs for everybody. :)

My mountain trip!

My first post from home. This is a big moment for me. I didn't prepare a speech or anything, so I'll just thank all the friends that I met in thees short few days since I decided to start bloging. Without your support, I would have given up, probably the first day. But... 4 days later, and we are still here. Cheers. :)

This is a photo of me, on september 7th, at the beginning of the climb on mount Korab, to the highest peak in Macedonia, Big Korab at 2754 meters above sea level. The midlle fingers are not for you, don't worry, they are ment for my cousin who took the picture and was giving me a hard time, because I was supposedly walking too slow. It's not my folt he was running up hill. Freak! :D

I didn't make it to the top though. I stopped for a conversation with a boy, some 50 meters below the peak! Luckily, that conversation hasn't finished to this day. :D

So many friends in such short time!

At lest I am back on the internet. Yesterday, just as I was geting wormed up, and found new interesting reading material on the blogs of my new on-line friends, an internet blackout occured. I contacted the provider of course, and they said - sorry, we have technical difficulties, so we'll fix it today, tomorow at the latest! - I was a little pissed off (there was nothing else to do at my work station exept wokr! :D), but then I comed my self and went home early, under the pretence that I don't feel well! We all have one of those days, I guess. Anyways, thanks to all the wonderful people that decided to stop at my new, insignificant blog and post a comment or 2. Hugs for everyone. :)

Today, I actualy wanted to write something about my favorite TV show - House M.D. I don't know if it is because of Hugh Laurie, or the way the carachter is built around the irony filled life of a dissabled doctor, or just the fact that the grasp on reality is so damn tight, but I am telling you, I can't get enough of those storys. I watched every single one of them, and can't wait for the next one to come out (in 3 days time).

I don't know if you know, but Hugh Laurie actualy came to the auditions for the part of doctor Willson. Further more, the direcotr of the series (Bryan Singer) stated that he hates working with British actors, beacuse they always come out pretentious with their accents. Look how that one turned out, hey?

At work, again

Some say that is unethical to blog from your job, seeing as how that is not what you are paid to do by your employer. But what happens when you have a job like mine? I have to sort out some documents as they arive, send them back and than sit on my ass until the next one comes. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I am swamped, but on the other hand, there are days when I don't have to work more than 1 or 2 hours troughout the whole day. But, that doesn't mean I can get up and leave! Oh, no, no, no! I have to be at my post for the entire 8 hour shift, just in case a new document arrives in for proccesing. So why can't I blog in the meantime, I said to my self.

So I decided to do some bloging and find some friends on-line, people that think like me. And why not? It's not like I'm stealing someone money or time. It is the time that spend doing nothing. Basicly, I do my bloging when I do nothing. And I have no guilt what so ever! How about you?

Just another day

We are all sheap! Yes, you read right. We are sheap. Where one goes the hurd follows. This is most noticable in politics and civil living. The leader is usualy the one that sets the course, and the rest just go affter the bell. You'll see that is so amaizing, that people will go from the extreme left to the extreme right, with the help of propaganda. Things can go from black to white with monetary help faster than you can snap your fingers. It is sad, I guess, we have long lost our integrity.

When I wanted to fly

He glided proudly through the air, besides me. He flew, but the wind wouldn't let him move forward. Stubbornly, he pushed ahead, with his head held up high. I waved form the edge, but he didn't even look at me. He stared in front of him, at his road... From within me, all the daemons, all the nightmares, all the sweat shadows from the past came out and didn't let me find my peace, at that ordinary day, while I waited to hear from you...

Imagine that

I too have a blog. It's been said that if you have no blog in the age we are living in, than it's like being illiterate in the begining of the laste century. So, here I am, and what is the better topic for the official start of blogging than illiteracy!

When I say illiteracy, I don't mean just the inability to read or write. There is a much worse kind of illiteracy. It is the one state of mind when you have been skilled to do both, but you take them for granted, or in plane words abuse them. There are people that think ignorance is bliss. Well, to hell with it, because it's not. It's one of the worst curses you will ever encounter.

I am trying to say that if you are illiterate in the nominal meaning of the word, you wont be able to read this, so this blog-post is nowhere as paradoxal as the sign on the photo. But if you are one of those people, one of those that think lying on your back, playing games, eating and drinking is all you'll need in life, than wake up, smell the situation you are in, and try to get out of it. Watch some quality TV, a good movie, read a book even! Put your lazy brain in gear. I promise you, you'll see that living can be much, much more than surviving.

Till the next post, stay in good mental health!